02.09.03 - Damn You Dick Albert
So the other day I was trying to get home whilst a foot of snow was coming down upon Boston and I realized three things. Firstly, weathermen (or weatherwomen) are just useless! I know they're basically predicting the future and all, but give it up. The foot of snow Boston got the other was either supposed to miss us entirely or give us a "dusting" to quote one such prophet of the weather. We can send a man to the moon, cure particular types of cancer, hell they've even managed to make George W. seem intelligent every once and a while (and I say that with more than just a pinch of salt), but they can't predict a major snow storm. If you can't do it, don't. What if the other reporters started to predict stories, we the people wouldn't stand for it. Yet, we let this charade continue, especially here in New England where we're addicted to the weather. Anyway, let's move on.

The second thing I realized, and this is sort of related to the first thing, is I hate the snow. Those of you who know me know that this is really not a big revelation on my part. But as my car was doing a 360 somewhere in Arlington I fully came to understand why I snow. It's not just that it's impossible to get a parking space, or that you can do serious damage to your body when shoveling (hell, you can die!!!), or even the fact that it's difficult to drive. I think the thing that I hate most about it is that it's around for like 3 or 4 months. We still have snow on the ground from Christmas and here it is two months later. It makes driving a bitch, walking a bitch (just ask my wife who recently broke her ankle), it goes all black and makes the world look like crap. That's why I just got back from Costco and bought them out of all the hairspray they had. I'm going to try and speed up this whole global warming thing. I seriously suggest you do the same.

The third that came to me in my snow hindered commute was that despite the blinding snow and slick roads (God forbid they actually plowed!), people in Boston still refuse to use their blinkers. Why?!? It's not a complicated procedure! Just push the lever up or down depending on which way you want to turn. This in turns makes a light on the appropriate side of the car blink on and off indicating to the other motorists on the road which way you intend to turn. It's very simple, and very safe. Instead people in Boston would rather just slam on the brakes, causing near fatal car crashes, then do this simple little step. Of course some people do use their blinkers but they basically fall into two categories. Firstly, there's those who either put their blinker on and then turn in the other direction, or they put use the correct signal but then keep it on for the entire length of their journey. Secondly there's those who use the correct signal, but only after they have slammed on the brakes (causing the three car pile up behind them) and are already half way through making their turn. This to me makes no sense whatsoever! I hate these people. I really do.

So, Mark, you may be asking yourself what do we do about all this? Well, first I suggest that during the next major snow storm that didn't get predicted we take everyone we know who don't use their blinkers and send them out for a very long drive. If they're weathermen (or weatherwomen) all the better. The second thing to do is join with me to get rid of snow by going outside right now with whatever cfc containing products you have in your house and just let 'er rip!! I know we can get rid of this stuff, I know we can. We just need to ban together.